I have had Obsessive Compulsive Disorder (OCD) since I was 5 years old. Most people don’t know what OCD actually is. The “obsessive” part is the thoughts; it feels like there’s this voice in your head controlling your every move. “Compulsive” is actions like having to repeatedly check every locked door before you go to bed.
I suffer from the obsessive part. I like things a certain way. When I would make my bed and someone laid on it or moved a pillow, I would have a panic attack and cry for hours. It would take me 90 minutes to get ready in the morning. I never felt comfortable talking in groups. So, I would avoid going out to lunch with extended family, etc.
Many underestimate how bad the obsessive thoughts are. I used to have to mirror my movements. If I spun in circles to my left 5 times, I would have to spin to my right 5 times. Also, I always had a “rope” behind me. If I walked around a coffee table, I had to walk around it the other way too.
After being bullied, my self-esteem dramatically declined. And as I got older, my expectations of myself and others grew and my tolerance for others’ stupidity decreased.
My parents took me to a psychologist, and I started to take medication. After two years of tweaking the meds, I have become a more flexible person. I have no more panic attacks and participate in family activities.
My OCD affects me the most socially; and now, I fear not being accepted by my peers. Truthfully, it has made me a recluse. That’s not something I am proud of but is super hard to change. Trust me, I have tried.
Thank you for reading my OCD experience. If you have any questions about how to deal with OCD or if you want to share your story with me, comment below.